I hate your face
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
