Rock
Scissors
Fuck
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
