College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
