I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
