So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
