and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
