i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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