I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
