Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
