then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
