I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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