I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
