Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
