Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
