I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said her name was "party"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
