just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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