So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
