Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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