when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
