I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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