people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
