we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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