I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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