thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
