I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
