You just made me feel so damn special
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
only if we run a train.
done.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
