Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
