I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
