Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
