last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
