Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
