how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
