we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
