a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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