Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
