idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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