I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
