its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
