If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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