I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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