i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
