Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
