I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
