I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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