At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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