just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
