My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
