So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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