At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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