i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
