At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
