Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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