Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I faked an abortion last night.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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