cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
