shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
