Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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