Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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