Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a search helicopter?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
